Saturday 25 March 2017

Day 39 - Salt flats tour part 4: well-seasoned is how I like it

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My body was in denial when I forced it out of bed at 4:30AM in order to get to the Salar de Uyuni salt flats to see the sunrise. I woke up quickly though, when a figure leapt out of the dark at me while I was brushing my teeth - it was Rude Guy from last night, who had dragged himself and his wife out of bed at this ungodly hour in order to ask if we could give them a lift out to the salt flats. “We’ll walk back after sunrise”, he claimed. I mumbled something about our car being full through a mouth full of toothpaste and backed away from his manic enthusiasm. Bundled in a full jacket + hat + scarf combo (it’s seriously fucking cold in the morning when you’re at 3600m), I joined my companions in the car. Turned out I wasn’t the only one rude guy asked, and we’d all managed to dissuade him from coming with us. Driving through the dark onto the salt flats, we crossed a huge patch of salty water where the road ended and the salt began. This is why a DIY drive to the salt flats is so difficult - if you don’t drive on the exact right spot, your vehicle will get bogged down in the salty mush. Luckily, Helmut knew what he was doing, and somehow instinctively kept driving through the salt flats in total darkness until we arrived at a good spot to watch the sunrise. This is what we came for. After 3 days of driving across some of the craziest landscapes I’ve ever seen, we finally set foot on the largest salt flat in the world.

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Mysterious figure in the darkness

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Pretteh colours

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So reflective

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So salty!

We shivered outside the vehicles as the light changed. In this spot, the salt was covered by a thin layer of water, creating cool reflections as the sun rose. This was also a good spot for a proof-of-principle of the time in high school when you learnt that salt crystals assumed a cubic shape - reaching into the water, you could pull out countless cubic crystals of salt stacked into cool pyramid shapes. Modesta had thoughtfully packed us a big drum of hot water, tea and 2 freshly baked cakes, and we all huddled around the cars warming up over breakfast once the sun had risen. Soon after, we headed off across the now-lit endless salt (NB: endless is obviously an exaggeration. Helmut knew the area covered by salt, and my science buddy and I had a nerdy moment where we HAD to calculate the distance across assuming a circular shape. We decided it was about 120km across.). Unfortunately, as it was the wet season and a large part of the salt was covered by water, it was too dangerous to drive across much of the flats. However, we did get to see the only hotel located on the salt flats, as well as piles of salt collected for culinary purposes. As the sun rose further, it became increasingly evident that Rude Guy would have literally died if he tried to walk back to the hostel. The change from freezing cold to scorch-the-flesh-off-your-bones was rapid, and it’s pretty much impossible for an inexperienced person to orientate themselves in the endless whiteness. 

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Salt and llama, as far as the eye can see

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Mmm... delicious...

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Maybe ancient pyramid-building civilisations were inspired by salt crystals (or maybe pyramids are just really stable structures)

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Team Helmut!

Our drivers managed to find us a nice dry spot where we could take some of the famous weird perspective shots before the sun was strong enough to vapourise us, and we had heaps of fun attempting to figure out how we could get shots that looked vaguely convincing. Unfortunately, the auto-focus on my camera makes these look not-so-great. One day in the distant future when I have access to photoshop again, I will fix the weird blurriness on these to make them look better.

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Always getting up to mischef

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K admittedly this one would have made more sense if the bottle was full...

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Bad Jeremy! People are friends, not food!

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Anytime I do something bad, it's because a tiny Jeremy told me to

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Sick of his advice, I tried to eat him instead

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Failing to eat him, I opted to squash him instead. And that was the end of Jeremy

After this, we were off back to Uyuni for our last Modesta-cooked meal and to say our farewells to the people we’d bonded with through being sequestered in one vehicle together for 4 days. We’d originally planned to stay the night in Uyuni before heading off on a 7 hour bus ride to Sucre, but one look at the shithole town of Uyuni (full of dust, flies, shady tour agencies, touts, and not much else) convinced us that a better option would be to get the hell out and go to Potosí (halfway between Uyuni and Sucre). Helmut helped us track down bus tickets for later in the afternoon by asking randoms on the street, and we spent an hour or so chilling out before heading off. We were pretty amused when we sat down in a park and heard a familiar grating voice come from a cafe behind us - it was Rude Guy, who had abandoned the rest of his tour, and chosen to sit in a shitty touristy cafe in a shitty touristy town and bitch loudly instead of going to look at cool stuff like thousands of flamingoes. I bet the rest of his tour group were much happier without him. 

A 3 hour bus ride later, we arrived in Potosí, where the steepness of the streets and the higher-than-Uyuni altitude hit us like a punch in the gut. To make matters worse, the bus station was a fair walk out of the town centre where all the hostels are, and we were way too groggy from our early wake-up to deal with trying to find a place to stay. We ended up at pretty much the closest non-dodgy looking hotel, and thankfully the price wasn’t too exorbitant. By this stage, after 4 days without a shower, I was willing to pay almost anything to be able to scrub the accumulated layers of grime and salt off myself. Showering had never felt so good.

Day 38 - Salt flats tour part 3: Rocks are a fine substitute for lakes

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Our drivers had given us 2 choices for day 3 of our tour: either the usual route visiting a bunch of lakes and the much-photographed Árbol de Piedra (basically a rock that is supposedly shaped like a munted tree), or a more “hands on” route featuring a bunch of interestingly shaped rocks where we could do a bit of walking and climbing. We all agreed that the second option sounded more appealing after 2 days of mostly sitting. This choice did not disappoint. We spent an excellent morning clambering over all sorts of structures without any safety equipment in a way that my mum and various tourism safety committees back home would strongly disapprove of (dpn't worry mum! No one got hurt!). The drivers were super helpful with showing us good hand and footholds in the rocks, while yelling “Chinchilla! Chinchilla!” as encouragement after we kept spotting furry little chinchillas scampering amongst the rocks. Modesta hung out in the car, as the climbs were “much too easy” for her. 

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Rock shaped like a camel!

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Rock shaped supposedly like the World Cup

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There were lots of hoof and paw prints in this half-cave thingy, including some suspiciously large feline-looking ones

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Quinoa!

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Going up!

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Eep upskirt shot! Admittedly I only wore this skirt because I ran out of other pants and these tights had a weird non-fitting crotch that needed to be hidden

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Made it!

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Strange shapes in a rock overhang

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There was this weird-as lake in the middle of heaps of rocks in an otherwise totally dry area. So strange, so cool!

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Aww check out the Mona Lisa smile on this llama. I bet it knows a secret that you don't know.

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Aww wee tiny llama. It looks so soft, I just want to give it cuddles

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On top of another thing I climbed which I perhaps shouldn't have

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This looks like a promotional shot for some shitty nu-metal album or something

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O hai there, more flamingoes. Fancy seeing you guys here

Throughout the morning, I had faced my fear of heights, but I was insufficiently prepared to face my fear of old chicken. When Modesta presented us with chicken for lunch, my pre-weakened digestive system (which had been feeling on-and-off ever since the food poisoning episode in Salta) was extremely skeptical. Wtf was this chicken doing for 3 days in a hot vehicle?! Or was this fresh chicken that she had somehow managed to wrangle in the desert?! Helmut claimed that it was some of the flamingos we saw yesterday. I ate it anyway. It was yum and I did not die in a salmonella poo explosion. The afternoon saw us race onwards to and beyond Uyuni, as Helmut was scared that the salt hostel near the salt flats would be full if we got there too late. We still found time to stop at the train graveyard outside Uyuni and have a decent look through the  rusted corpses of the retired trains. For some reason, this area was swarming with flies, and the rest of the drive to our accommodation halfway between Uyuni and the salt flats was spent waging a valiant battle against the insectoid horde that had invaded our car. 

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Choo Choo!

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Don't ask me what a Crous is, I have no idea

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Rusty...

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It turned out that Helmut’s fears were unfounded, as the only people that got to the hostel before us were the other half of our group in the other car. When they said “salt hostel”, they weren’t kidding. The buildings and the furniture inside the building were all made from blocks of salt. This is fucking crazy and we questioned its long-term viability (salt + water = hmmmm….), and our skepticism was proven not to be unfounded when someone lifted up the tablecloth on the dining table to reveal that a huge chunk of it had dissolved off! Insane stuff. We had previously been warned that the accommodation was going to be very basic, with no running water or electricity. This was a huge lie: we got private rooms instead of having to dorm, the power was plentiful, the toilets flushed, and the kitchen even had an over much to the delight of Modesta, who proceeded to cook up a vege lasagne for dinner with the help of the French+Spanish couple from the other car. The rest of us played a crazy card game known as the “travelling Israeli card game” which the German+Spanish couple learned from a bunch of travelling Israelis. We were interrupted by the arrival of a group that unfortunately had within its ranks a super loud, super rude, super American-accented man who proceeded to yell at his poor wife about how boring his day on the salt flats was (wtf this is one of the greatest natural wonders of the world!), how insufficient the accommodation was (see my notes above about how awesome it was), why their group wasn’t being served dinner as early as ours was (we had arrived a good hour before them), etc. He then insisted on talking to us during dinner about whether there were any rivers he could go fishing in for the rest of the trip (he was doing the tour in the opposite order to us), and condescendingly replied “you’d be surprised” when we told him that the tiny rivers we came across were barely a foot deep and not likely to house the one special Amazonian fish species he was looking for (not to mention that we were in the altiplano, 4000m above the bloody Amazon). Thankfully, Helmut, bless him, procured some wine for us to have with dinner, which helped take the edge off this douchebag’s rantings, and we went to our salty beds tipsy (one feels the intoxication much faster at high altitude) nice and early in preparation for our 5AM departure time in the morning.

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Everything ere is edible, even the Jeremy in the doorway. But that is called "cannibalism" and is frowned upon in most societies.

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Even the bed was made of salt

Bonus Jesus for extra XP: Check out this epic Jesus bus we came across in the middle of nowhere!

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Day 37 - Salt flats tour part 2: Volcanic activity, flamingo activity

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We were up with the sunrise the next morning, with a long drive ahead of us and lots of sights to pack in. Breakfast in South America has mostly been a disappointing affair, and this morning it consisted of rock-hard bread leftover from dinner along with spread, which I then dipped into my tea in order to preserve my dental integrity. The cars were packed again, and we were on our way to “see where the llamas sleep”. There were many llamas. We spent the morning driving through an array of landscapes, from weird swamps in an area otherwise totally devoid of hydration, to strange lakes where according to Helmut, they fish up soap. Me and ½ of the American couple, who happened to be a fellow scientist, couldn’t figure this one out (wtf is this mysterious lake substance? Lye? Some kind of sulphonate? Magic?). We drove onwards, to places where no signs of vegetation could be seen, where strange somewhat surreal volcanic rock piles earned the barren landscape the name “Desierto Dali”.

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Good morning, llamas!

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Aww ok I guess these two can stay sleeping, because they are so damn cute

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Mmm... dessert. Oops wrong one.

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Walk like a... Jeremy?

An early lunch break was called for by Modesta, who had obviously gotten up much earlier than we had that morning, cooking up a delicious pasta along with plenty of vegetables. Ironically, the place we chose to stop was by the shore of Laguna Verde, a lake so full of arsenic that nothing can live within it. Delicious. It was here that I realised how sad it was that my Spanish was so shit, as Modesta seemed like a really fun lady, always cracking jokes that we couldn’t understand. At one point, I accidentally smashed the glass I was using on a rock, and I’m 99% sure that she suggested I did it on purpose so I could stab Jeremy. She had swapped over to the other car for the day, and Jeremy had taken her spot in the front seat (and from then on, was called “Modesta” by Helmut).

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Nice sunglasses, Jeremy

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Lunch time!

After lunch, most of us had a nice soak in a less toxic body of water while Jeremy’s paranoia of the sun led to him hiding in the car like the night-creature he is. Miraculously, there were some hot springs that did not stink like the ones in Rotorua, but after about 15 minutes or so, we all started burning and thus joined Jeremy in cowering in the car  (David Attenborough estimates that people last for 2 minutes out here without sun protection). Our next stop was at some geysers, where Bolivian safety standards came to shine, as tourists were allowed to get however close they deemed sensible to the boiling plumes of steam. In our case: pretty close but not close enough to turn into human dumplings.

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Aww what a nice romantic shot in front of a really scummy hot pond (note: this is not the one I took a dip it, it was just next to it)

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I am weirdly intrigued by weird pond scum (THIS IS WHERE LIFE ON EARTH BEGAN!)

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Things got a bit steamy

A couple of hours more driving brought us to one of the main things I wanted to see in Bolivia: the famous Laguna Colorada, home to the motherload of flamingoes. So. Many. Flamingoes. I was in flamingo heaven. Unfortunately, the overcast conditions meant that the lake didn’t look bright red as it often does, but I guess this was a good thing, as the water contrasted more with the flamingoes. Apparently, we weren’t even there during a good flamingo season, as the lake was a bit drought-ey and a number of the flamingoes had migrated away as a result. However, there was definitely enough flamingo activity to satisfy me!

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So many!

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I kind of want one as a pet. I also kind of don't want to move to the Bolivian altiplano to provide it with a decent habitat

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Honestly, these guys are the coolest

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Fly, my pretties!

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Yay here come even more of them!

From there on, we drove for several more hours in order to reach our accommodation for the night, once again in a small altiplano village, while Modesta plied us with snacks and candy. Dinner was a tasty soup again, along with a gringo-fied (sans chilli) version of the traditional Bolivian dish “pique a lo macho”, which is pretty much every fast-food fiend’s dream: chunky fries topped with a mixture of different meats, sausages, fried onions, tomatoes, egg, all soaked in gravy and drenched in mayonnaise and mustard. Modesta also somehow managed to produce a delicious eggy banana custard thing for dessert, despite the fact that she only had a tiny flimsy gas stove to cook with. We were puzzled by the absence of the Spanish-German couple in the other car from this delicious dinner. It transpired that the ½ that was feeling not so great the night before had taken a turn for the worse, and had ended up at the local “hospital” where the confused doctor jabbed him with anti-everything, hoping that one of the shots would do the trick. And one of them did. Hooray for modern, sometimes puzzled but never afraid to problem-solve, medicine!